Le ballet moderne d'un fantôme
by Little-Latte
Summary: Our Beloved Erik has settled down and decided to coreograph a ballet. CAUTON THIS STORY INVOLVES SERIOUSLY DISTURBING MENTAL IMAGES OF ERIK SHIMMYING..AND SHAKING...YE HAVE BEEN WARNED! not updating until i get some more reviews...
1. Chapter 1

Le ballet moderne d'un fantôme qui ne peut pas danser

A/N:Okay people, I put the title in French so it would look fancy...I don't speak French.

Chapter One:

"DAMNEZ-L'AUX ENTRAILLES DE STINKY DE L'ENFER !"

There I went again, with those random French outbursts. This one however was not without good reason. After composing my life's work, and living a pretty good life as a bachelor, I had decided to settle down. To any normal man, settling down would probably mean something like 'buying a nice cozy house with a good view, then proceed to live out the remainder of my existence spending every day with my wife and children'. But, to a disfigured musical genius who had only found love once in his lifetime, settling down meant going easy on the composing, and getting a good hobby. I had decided this morning that my hobby would be choreographing ballets. Since my health wouldn't allow for me to compose any more heart-wrenching music, why not get a good workout and start my own ballet video? I had seen enough hip, cool moves in my existence in the opera, and from watching MTV, so I had all the experience that I needed! It would be easy…or so I thought.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: hii! I don't have any reviews yet, so I'm gonna update to get more

Chapter Two:

I collapsed in a near-dead heap on the floor of the living room. Actually, I probably could have been taken for dead, considering my face…but that's beside the point. As I lay there, flushed and sweating, head buried in the plush, luxurious Persian carpet, I had one question: how _do_ they do it! I had been trying to get past the first three steps of what the instructional video called a "simple" hip-hop routine for the past hour or so. The routine had _looked_ easy enough when Missy Elliot did it, but I mean _seriously_! I was in my mid-life crisis years, I wasn't in the right physical state for such things! After I started to breathe again, and had regained some color into my face, I tried again.

_One, two, step, step, shimmy shake-it, bounce, pop it, pop-it, jump, one, two, step and pose!_

"That sucked monkey tushy!"

I turned around at the sound of a voice other than my own and saw my old friend, Nadir staring back at me. He had always been terrible at hiding amusement, and I could see in his eyes a mocking smile. I gave him my most sinister glare, and the mockery immediately changed to fear.

"Do you think that _you_ can do any better?" I said

"actually, yes." He said those words with such calm certainty that I had to laugh out loud.

I almost immediately regretted it as I watched in growing rage and jealousy as the chubby Persian proceeded to go through each step that I had just miserably failed at performing with such grace and agility that I had never seen him exercise before!

"**WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DANCE LIKE THAT!"** I demanded, promptly tightening a Punjab Lasso around his neck.

"stoghhhh stranglhhh mhhh anghhh mebghhh youlghhh unghhstanghhh"

"I have no time for your damn nonsensical babble!"

As I watched my only friend prying and clawing at the lasso around his neck, I noticed the reason for his 'babble'. I loosened the lasso just enough so he could still talk.

"it…..is…..quite hard………..to have so many…women…..at your house…….and not…..pick up any dancing…..skills…..from…at least one…..of them" he replied, gasping for air at intervals.

"Of course!" I said.

I should have known it! I was about to come to the solution of hiring a bunch of prostitutes to teach me to dance, when I noticed that no one in their right mind would go home with a living corpse, no matter how much money they were offered. That's when it came to me... I need someone who _wasn't _in their right mind, and owed a certain living corpse a buttload of favors!

"Nadir.." I said, slowly. "teach me to dance."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: okay here's a pointless prom flashback, pointless, but it shows that Erik could never dance.

Chapter three:

Nadir's POV

"Teach me to dance…"

My first thought upon hearing that was 'this man is a complete psycho!' I saw him dance only twice before, once about five minutes ago, and the other time, at prom. I shudder at the memory of that fatal night…..

pointless Prom Memories

I had joined the girl's grinding chain near the beginning of the evening; those girls sure could shake what their mama gave 'em! Erik wasn't having the best of luck, however.

He was being _such_ a wallflower! I mean, he can pull off the whole "lurking evilly in the shadows bit, but this was PROM! Get out of character for a second man! I had tried to get him to come grind with me and the girls, but he second Jenny tried to pull him over, he broke out the lasso. I just sighed, and dragged the body out into the parking lot and went back to the chicks. If he wanted to be such a 'boring little fart' then he could go ahead! He wasn't going to rain on my parade!

About an hour later, I heard loud laughter echoing through the gymnasium. I looked in the direction of the laughing and saw the most hilarious sight I had ever seen.

Erik was dancing. On a table. Doing a Russian jig of some type. I imagine that this is how he would act if he had just taken a huge overdose of morphine, or opium, or both. This suspicion was what made me run over and throw him over my shoulder, taking him away from the crowd. He pushed me off of him and yelled "I WAS JUST TRYING TO 'HAVE FUN'!"

At that moment he broke down and ran to the opposite side of the room, and disappeared.

I sighed, and decided that I would find him later, when it was time to leave. So I went back to the girls.

After my tush and groin were officially chafed from so much grinding, I decided to go get some punch. I filled up two paper cups and was about to bring the over for Jenny and I when I felt a firm grasp on my leg.

"WHAT THE F-?"I screamed.

"Shut your mouth, Persian! You'll give me away!"

"Why are you hiding under the refreshment table?" I asked, although I knew that I really didn't want to know.

"There are waay too many people here, Nadir, I want to go!"

"Whoa, Erik, chill out! Its prom, the whole school is here!"

"I KNOW! That's why I want to go! I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE!"

"Why not?"

"They're all making fun of me!"

"I doubt they've even noticed you"

"Yes they have! They all laughed when I started to dance before, AND there are these two people under the table with me…"

At this I raised an eyebrow

"I thought that you didn't _like_ people"

"Eww! Na_dir_! Not like that! They're with each other! The girl keeps on _laughing_!"

"It's Prom! Everyone's drunk as the devil! You would be laughing too, if you weren't such a freaking loner, you would be drunk too!"

"Fine, if you won't leave, then I'm leaving. I should warn you though, if I leave, no one will live."

Uh-oh. I knew that when Erik made a threat, he went through with it. I ran out of the gym just as soon as the doors closed and barred themselves shut.

"ERIK!" I called. "ERIK!"

He crept out of the shadows, apparently innerly focusing deeply on something….

"I have decided to leave after all." I proclaimed.

"I knew that you would." He said, apparently having childhood flashbacks.

At that moment, the opera house- I mean high school-broke out in flames. He had pulled a Carrie. Just as I had suspected.

end of pointless prom flashback

Okay, the point of that story was that Erik can't dance. Period. When he dances, people laugh, and then people die. That's the deal. I had to do it, though.

So I replied "of course, old friend."


	4. Author's note

Author's Note

Yes, I know that we're not supposed to do this….but hey….whatever.

Yea….i TOLD you that I wasn't going to update unless I gots some more reviews…and I see no more reviews.

So……..

**You read….you review….I write!**

So….Dooooo it!

Also I have a bit of writers block.

If you want to see who's wonderful story this is..visit… you have a myspace, friend requests people!

Loooveee…..

Vavvy!


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